Gaius Julius Caesar Augustus Germanicus (12 – 41 AD) earned the nickname Caligula (“little boots” in Latin), by which he is better known to history, from Roman legionaries because of the miniature legionary outfits he wore in camp as a child while accompanying his father on military campaigns. He grew to become emperor of Rome from 37 to 41 AD, and as seen below, he was probably the gold standard for crazy rulers.
Raised by a Villain to Become a Villain
Caligula was raised by his uncle, the Roman Emperor Tiberius, a paranoid odd fish who spent much of his reign as a recluse in a paedophilic pleasure palace in Capri. He only surfaced on occasion to order the execution of relatives accused of treason, including Caligula’s mother and two brothers. Tiberius had likely ordered the poisoning of Caligula’s father as well. A great natural actor, Caligula hid any resentment felt towards his uncle. He thus survived the bitter Tiberius, who named him heir, quipping “I am rearing a viper for the Roman people“.
Unsurprisingly, that kind of upbringing was quite traumatic, and damaged Caligula in a variety of ways. In short, the years of repressed living with Tiberius left their mark – and it was not a good mark. Once freed of the ever present threat of execution by his paranoid relative, Caligula cut loose in an orgy of lavish spending and hedonistic living, as the combination of sudden freedom and sudden unlimited power went to his head.
Caligula Started on the Crazy Early On
Caligula kicked off the weirdness at the very start of his reign. To demonstrate his contempt for a soothsayer’s prediction that he had no more chance of becoming emperor than riding a horse across the Bay of Baiae, Caligula ordered a bridge two miles long built across the bay. He then rode his horse across it, back and forth multiple times, while wearing the breastplate and armor of Alexander the Great.
He once started cackling uncontrollably at a party, and when asked what was funny, replied that he found it hilarious that with a mere gesture of his finger, he could have anybody present beheaded right then and there. On another occasion, displeased by an unruly crowd at the Circus Maximus, he pointed out a section to his guards, and ordered them to execute everybody “from baldhead to baldhead”, gesturing at two bald people.
Unprecedented Heights – or Depths – of Depravity
On yet another occasion, Caligula was bored at an arena when he was told that there were no more criminals to throw to the beasts. So he ordered a section of the crowd thrown to the wild animals. Among the litany of sexual depravities attributed to him, incest with his sisters was the least of it. At dinner parties, he would frequently “request” that a guest’s wife accompany him to his bedroom. After he bedded her, Caligula would return to the party to rate the quality of her performance, and berate the cuckolded husband if he thought she was lacking.
He also turned the imperial palace into a brothel, in which he forced the wives of leading Roman senators and other high ranking dignitaries to serve as prostitutes. To further show his contempt for the senatorial class and the Roman Republic for which they pined, Caligula had his beloved horse made consul – the Republic’s highest magistracy. He would go on to declare himself a god, and had the heads removed from the statues of various deities, replacing them with his own. Caligula also declared war on the sea god Neptune. He marched his legions to the sea, and had them collect seashells to show the deity who was boss.
Caligula Finally Insulted the Wrong Guy
Given all that craziness, it is a wonder that Caligula remained in power for as long as he did. However, when karma finally caught up with Caligula, it was not because of the craziness, above. Instead, it was because he offended his own bodyguards. Caligula’s Praetorian Guard security detail was led by a tribune named Cassius Chaera. He had a high pitched voice, and the emperor liked to mimic it and mock him as effeminate.
Caligula also thought it was the height of hilarity to create derogatory daily passwords that had to do with homosexuality. Whenever Chaerea was due to kiss the imperial ring, Caligula placed it on his middle finger, and waggled it obscenely. Chaerea finally had enough, and in 41 AD, he hatched an assassination plot with other Praetorian Guards. Caligula finally got a dose of lethal karma when his own bodyguards ambushed and hacked him to death.
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Some Sources & Further Reading
Barrett, Anthony A. – Caligula: The Corruption of Power (1998)
Gonick, Larry – The Cartoon History of the Universe, Part II (1994)
History Halls – Unholy Holy Fathers: Paul II, a Pope Who Passed Away While Getting it On
Suetonius – The Lives of the Twelve Caesars: Caligula
